Sunday mid-morning I received a devastating phone call from my father.  Jerry, my uncle, had passed away at 61 years old.

Jerry wasn’t just my uncle.  He was my mom’s only brother and he had cerebral palsy.  At one point in my childhood I can remember him walking around, though usually with a walker or someone’s arm for assistance.  Then one day he fell and injured his neck, though we aren’t sure how or why he refused to have it checked, and suddenly my memories of him walking turned to memories of him always in a wheelchair.

My grandfather spent his entire life making up for any losses Jerry may have encountered.  My mom has memories of vacations where she, her mom and dad would drive Jerry to a destination, they would all get out, and then they would get in the car and drive home.  He just loved road trips.  When Jerry was older, my grandfather bought him a house in Winchester, Virginia so that he could have his own belongings and his own collections and his own life.  My grandfather even purchased a van for him that could transport his wheelchair to keep at his house so that anyone could take him where he needed to go.  Since Jerry was wheelchair bound, my grandparents took him breakfast and dinner every single day.

In 2006, my grandfather passed from cancer in his home in Boyce, Virginia.  My mom assumed the responsibility of helping Jerry as much as she possibly could, but since he was over an hour drive away it was difficult.  Weeks of searching led to countless terrible nurses.  Nurses who would take advantage of Jerry’s situation and charge my mom for time they hadn’t even spent with Jerry.  Jerry could talk, but had a major speech deficiency and very few could understand him.  Then one day mom found Lee, who ended up as the most amazing and wonderful caregiver.  Lee and Jerry had a brotherly bond, and even with little disagreements they could forgive each other and move on.  Lee found us a few other nurses to help, and we were so thankful for his connections with the Winchester Hospital.

Anyone who knew Jerry knew of his absolute passion for model cars.  His entire house was jam-packed full of them.  Eventually Lee helped clean them up, and the house turned in to what you could call a model car museum.  Of course, you would think it would be easy to buy him presents, but he had so many there was no way to know which ones he had!  It was even more wonderful when you would find one he didn’t have and give it to him for Christmas.  His eyes would light up like it was the first car he’d ever been given.  It was really special.  My father also took him to the Sully Car Show every year at Sully Plantation in Virginia.  They would walk the aisles of cars, though Jerry loved the older models the best, and eventually end up at the stands of model cars looking for that unique find.  Jerry knew every single car he owned and the ones he needed.

Jerry also loved old Coke products, old western movies, historical newspapers, and anything and everything about Fairmont, West Virginia.  His favorite treat from Fairmont was a “home-grown” pepperoni roll.  One time I went home for the weekend and the fridge was jam-packed with rolls.  Mom had made a trip and we were completely stocked up for weeks.

Jerry and my connection came with his lifelong roommates- his cats.  When I was younger it was Patches.  Patches and him had a bond that no one really understood.  Then as we got older, Patches sulked quietly away in a discreet part of Jerry’s home to pass.  I think he wanted to go where Jerry wouldn’t find him because he knew how upset he would be about it.  Mom and I found him and buried him nearby.  I remember Jerry being upset but understanding.  He was old and it was his time.  Eventually Jerry got another cat, Andy.  Andy is still alive, and is a massive tabby cat.  He sits by the window and sharpens his claws at passersby.  I considered him Jerry’s “guard cat.”  I had always wanted a cat growing up, and eventually was able to get one, which brought Jerry and I together.  He would always ask about my cat, and it was easy to talk about them in words I could understand.  Every time we would see each other there was a hug and the all too familiar, “how’s your cat?!”

I will never forget him and the great experience it was to have a strong uncle with a disability.  Kids don’t seem to grasp the concept of equality in people who don’t necessarily look or talk the same.  Jerry was shy in public, and I don’t blame him.  People calling other people “retarded” and bullying those they don’t understand all the time.  It really makes you learn what is the right way to treat and respect people when they are related to you in such a wonderful way.  Jerry was never different to me.  He lived in a wheelchair and it was hard to understand him sometimes.  But he had so many likes and dislikes, good days and bad days, he was literally just like everyone else.

The past couple months Jerry has been battling with numerous infections, which I believe were the ultimate cause of his passing.  He had been in and out of the hospital for fluids and antibiotics, and the antibiotics had essentially destroyed his stomach.  From what I heard, he was having a hard time breathing, an ambulance took him to the hospital, and he passed suddenly and quietly.  I want to be sad and to mourn him, but this time I feel selfish doing so.  During one of his hospital trips a few months ago, Jerry had said he was relying on the will of God to make the decision for him to come home, and I believe that is what happened this weekend.  God was ready to take him home.  So we mourn for our own sadness in losing such a wonderful human being, but we rejoice in the fact he is obviously walking around (or taking a spin in the Ford Model A) with granddad up there.  I am also so blessed to have the most amazing last memories of him.  It was at my wedding this past December.  I have never seen Jerry so happy in my entire life.  He was crying at one point, laughing the next, it was truly an awesome time and such a perfect memory that can never be broken.

I wanted to conclude with a quote from Dale Evans, the wife of Roy Rogers, which I think is appropriate considering Jerry’s love for old western movies.

“Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It’s the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here’s a happy one for you.”

If you would like to read Jerry’s obituary or attend his services, you can visit this link.  It would be most appropriate for friends and distant family to attend his Memorial Service, which will be on Saturday, June 1, 2013 at 11:00am at the Strasburg Presbyterian Church.  He is being buried during a small graveside service beside his grandmother in Franklin, West Virginia on Friday, May 31.